Release Date: February 7, 2014
Director: Mark WatersWriter: Richelle Mead, Daniel Waters Cast: Zoey Deutch, Lucy Fry, Danila Kozolvsky, Gabriel Byrne, Dominic Sherwood, Olga Kurylenko Sarah Hyland, Cameron Monaghan, Sami Gayle
MPAA Rating: PG-13 Runtime: 104 minutes
Studio: Reliance Entertainment
Genre: Action, Comedy, Fantasy
Country: USA, UK, Romania
Really? Why do they keep making these movies? Who is in charge? These are not rhetorical questions. Even with my expectations being so low I still wonder why I’m disappointed. If you’re reading, I’m curious to know how you felt about the Twilight franchise. I’m indifferent about all those titles and when Vampire Academy comes into question most will try to compare the two. Let me save you the headache and just say that the twilight films are far superior to Vampire Academy which isn’t saying much. I actually tried to give this movie a try. I wanted to learn about the characters and care for them. I wanted to know about the Vampire lore and what makes them tick. I just wanted a new take on a genre that seems overly saturated year after year after year. My request came nowhere remotely close to fruition. Instead it’s a laughable mess filled with plot holes as big as space (that’s pretty damn big), characters that scream instead of act, and plenty of miscues that’s only purpose is to check a to-do list box. From the beginning the films pace is extremely too fast. Too fast for me to digest what’s going on in-front of me especially if you want me to care. Unfortunately the pace never slows down. I’m presented with a tragic accident but don’t know who’s involved. Yet I’m supposed to care. On top of the fast pace is the large amount of narrating. This clearly tells me what was on paper isn’t meant for the big screen or it may just be the direction. I didn’t read the Vampire Academy books and I don’t care to. This is just my opinion but I don’t feel one should have to read the source material to understand it’s content. That’s the whole point of an adaptation. I’m not saying this film is extremely complex, but give me a reason to care about the story arc. No one is distinguishable either. From their looks or the type of Vampires they are. You have Moroi, Strigoi, and Dhampir type vampires. Each explained in one or two sentences with no real depth or explanation to their real importance. Everyone attending the vampire academy including both students and staff felt like they had some type of blood relation, except for two characters that had blond hair. One is the supporting actress and the other is named screams a lot. That’s not really her name but should’ve have been because that’s all she does. Her character was a complete joke. I simply just don’t understand how she was cast. Making a Hollywood film is quite an accomplishment most can only dream of. And to have such an accomplishment that individual most likely graduated from high school. With that being said and such experience I would appreciate character moments and dialogue that makes sense in the real world for high school. Even if they’re vampires it doesn’t matter. If you went to high school or know someone that did, you know how students treat each other. You know the way they communicate, interact, and gossip. So why not do that here. It’s a simple task that’s not met. No one talks like this or approaches another screaming, “GET AWAY FROM HIM BITCH!!! HE’S MINE!!!” when a blind man could see the male was the aggressor. There’s so many instances like this is exhausting. On another note when you have a classic tale of good versus evil the confrontation is only great when all parties involved are giving their all the defeat the other. There’s no real villain here but we’re teased with one. Instead of teasing the audience give them what they want. I guess the writers choose not to because it requires the viewers to use their brains. This movie could have been summed up in five minutes. We’re told how evil the antagonists are, and it seems all they have to do is make a flick of the wrist to accomplish their goal, but no they don’t and waste our time. One character only had to ask another one a simple question to accomplish his but he doesn’t. Instead the decision he makes is the equivalent to using sledge hammer to push a thumb tack into a wall. I’m just dumbfounded and found it completely unnecessary. Would you trade in a two story house to live in a walk in closet? No! I mean what the fuck?!?! These situations are funny and realistic in movies like Dumb and dumber, but that’s not the case here. The team behind this wants us to take it seriously. This is a horrible film and will make no money as it well deserves. This title is all over the place. There are too many characters to count, but the few you can count have no depth. There are as many powers and/or abilities as the alphabet without concentrating enough for focus. For some odd reason the real villains decide to hide instead of seizing the day. Everyone has on too much make up and it felt like a school of cosmetics. Plot holes galore. I couldn’t enjoy the action from the poor camera work, and the editing didn’t help much either. I can’t say it was a missed opportunity because I feel it never stood a chance to begin with.